Why am I so Upset!?!
Why the Fuck am I so Upset,I feel like theres this something building up in my chest.
Blah Blah Blah
I have been in a nasty mood lately.I don't know why. I really don't all I know is that I am super frustrated and super Mad at something I just don't know what!!! I also really hate stupid people they bother me so much that i want to stab them with a knife in the face. Uggghhrrrrrr..
FUCK FUCK FUCK!
I don't want to be in class. I hate this bull.
I want to break stufffffff.
Fuck Everyone and Everything and all the people in this world.
Oh Wait.... I know
I decided I wasn't going to be weak anymore, innocent anymore, gullible anymore, stepped all over anymore, depressed anymore...I decided that if the damage has already been done, why not use this as a tool. Yes a tool. Pain, Anger, Hurt... all put to good use. To take who I used to be and not change her... But make her better... Make her unstoppable, irresistible, smarter...I can say many other things but there is no need really. Its taken me more than a couple of years to figure out who I am, who I am supposed to be, Im not supposed to be anyone really, only myself and myself is whoever it is that I want to be. All it takes is a little re-wiring, patience, and inspiration.
I know who I am. I know what I am capable of, and by that I mean no one should get in my way. Not even the voice of fear or uncertainty. Those words are now and forever more erased from my vocabulary.
I also understand that along the way I will hurt people I care about. And I will destroy those who try to destroy me. Its life right, kill or be killed. And the harsh truth is that no one really has your best interest at heart aside from maybe your parents or really close relatives and maybe that one special friend who actually gets you and encourages all the craziness... but that’s pretty much it. Everyone else secretly hopes that you don't succeed that you don't make it because they see the potential in you but are envious that you may be able to have another kind of life then their boring and uneventful 9-5, same routine everyday kind of ordeal.
Example:
Mario- 37 year old prick who has never married has no children, own his own insurance company, and make about 100 grand a year, and he’s cheap, go figure.
Relation: Cousin
I mean seriously, there are more family members that he can pick on and have arguments with right? He can choose Made who enjoys arguments till there is no end, or Annabelle who is smart and intellectual, or Mabelle that little girl would put him in his place before he opens his mouth, or maybe any of our other cousins or my brother and sister who are closer to his age… Why pick on me? Usually I don’t like any problems with the family and yet he manages to always have something to say about what I am doing or what I am talking about or the way I dress or anything. Let’s just put it like this… Me and anyone else in the family could be sitting right next to each other let’s say as an example reading the same book or dressed practically the same… The attention will still be directed at me in a negative way.
And it’s not only him its all of them, the others just do it behind my back. They talk about all sorts of negative things to my father about me.
But it's ok, that’s all about to change very soon, actually its been changing and they are taking notice. But its only the beginning because I am getting ready. For what you ask, to put them in their place without words, because I am better than they are.
I am still and will remain the sweet girl on the inside but the hard impenetrable bitch on the outside. Call it defense mechanism, call it whatever you want. In the end it is me who deals with this. Whether the consequences are good or bad.
I think I have run out of things to say… maybe that explains a bit about me. Maybe it doesn’t, maybe I just needed to talk to someone about all this shit I have been thinking and the keyboard was my only outlet at this time of night.
At least I have figured a lot of things out.
No More Sorrow - Linkin Park
2 Hours
I devote 2 hours of every day to the gym, I am very proud of this.My gym schedule consists if this:
1 hour to work out the muscles depending on which day it is of course ,on Arms Back and Abs day it would take longer, 30minutes of Cardio followed by 15 minutes in the steam room and last but certainly not least since I love smelling super awesome, 15 minutes of avoiding naked ladies and showering + I love my gym bag it’s so cute and its pink plus has all the necessities to survive a 2 hour time at the gym..
(takes a 5 minute break)
…The best part is that I feel so good... I go there in my own world blasting the music in my ears for two hours while I do something I know and love to do at the same time I am doing it for myself to look good and feel good.
Side effects: Smaller Boobs (whatever I'll deal, for now)
Lately I have decided to be more in sync with myself to listen to myself I am going to attempt to meditate in order to get more in touch with myself but I am a person that can’t really stay still in one place for too long. But hey it’s worth a shot.
I’ve also been trying to organize everything in my life and clean up my act a bit more. I’m also more tired like I feel like sleeping a lot and the last time I felt like sleeping a lot was last year during my depression-ish stage.
Oh and I have recently found this band called Forever the Sickest Kids and I love one of their songs so much I haven’t stopped playing it. ::Look Below::
Coffee Break - Forever The Sickest Kids
Im Outties
Images.
Nightmares and memoriesTaking its toll on me,
Exhausted... I can’t sleep.
Daytime Slumber
Isn’t safe anymore,
It opens the door.
Storybook Romances
Each different, yet the same,
Brings the pain
Images in storybooks
Makes me feel what I can't...
Can't feel anymore.
Captured Glimpses
The future seems so near,
Reach out and it disappears
Looking Back
From the bottom of my empty heart...
I’m not sorry, is the worse part.
Magic Spells
Sometimes things bother me, but I don't say anything. I think its because I hate being told what to do and I feel that I don't need to say anything to a person because I wouldn’t want them to go changing the way they are or do things because of me. Either way lately I’ve been bit aggressive and not nice at all. Things that shouldn’t bother me are bothering.I've also noticed how people especially girls/women are so fake, they fake everything from how they feel to whom they really are and I can see right through it. Ugh it really upsets me how women are only getting worse and losing all their self respect. How can guys deal with that! Whatever I am glad I am not like them.
This really annoying and crazy psycho girl named Jessie, after I deleted her because of some things she told a friend of mine about me, which only shows an immaturity and jealousy, well she requested me countless times and I denied them all, she wrote to me saying that, "You don't know anyone anymore." then when I didn’t respond or accept her final request I get a really immature message not only making it clear that she envy's me but that she needs my approval and contrary to what she wrote which I will post right under this "I am clearly not nothing to her." Hahahaha, What a stupid bitch.
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Date: Apr 21, 2009 3:50 PM
Subject: wow miry
Body:
you act like you dont know anyone lol thats extreamly funny hope you dont think your better than me sweety alot has changed since we last talked to even me having my own house and going to fiu but i guess you never thought i could make it lol well its people like you i laugh at because to me your a nothing more than a stain in my past because you think your perfect well wake up your not !!!!! bye
<<<
Wow... Is absolutely correct!
If anyone reads this and wants to post your opinions go right ahead I would like some feedback on this post.
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Hi There, I am
Miry