My eyes are dry and I can see clear.
All the fog and blur gone now,
I have nothing to fear.
My heart doesn’t swell with anguish anymore,
It’s been substituted with fury and anger.
My heart is cold and as black as night.
I don’t hold on to your memory anymore,
I guess that’s what drugs are for.
I am not happy now,
But I will be eventually and hopefully..
The universe will grant me this wish,
That you’ll someday be as miserable as I used to be.
Peace!
(C) Miry
That stupid motherfucking Idiot is still pissing me the fuck off!!!!
WTFFFF!!! Out of nowhere when I don't call or Text...He decides oh Imma throw a little text her way ...U alive... WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!
First of all he is a little stupid guy who doesn't even know what the fuck he has in front of him or how fucking valuable I fucking am and then to top it all off he Never calls or texts me. OMG I can't wait for the day that I fucking go go go ....He'll have to come find me and when he does find me Ill be at peace and hopefully with someone who fucking gives a shit...and then boo hoo cry cry cry.
But thats where he is wrong..I really hate games.
I hate everyone!!!!!
Not really I am just really irritated with the situations at hand.
I have got 4 weeks to "get it together" WTFFFF I don’t even fucking get paid what i should get paid and they complain. What fucking ass hole bitches...I’m just going to find another fucking job in my field, fuck this bull-shit.... I don’t need there stress. Whatever I am going to my fucking job for four more fucking weeks and try to find another one and when I find it I’m gone and when I am gone so long Miry, so long important files LMFFAAAOOO!!!! I would love to stick around just to look at their fucking faces when all their precious little files are gone, Boohoo cry me a fucking river and then go drown in it bitches you brought this upon yourselves!
And that stupid stupid stupid guy, what the fuck is his problem dude dude dude if you had a little bit of intelligence you would either A. Act how you are fucking supposed to, or B. Get the fuck out of my life so I can heal and be at peace. I mean what the fuck you have time when you get home to check myspace but you don’t have 5 minutes to give a call or a text. A day shall come when I don’t want to deal anymore.
I am soooo angry right now at everyone...
Like wtf, I’m supposed to plan tonight, what is there to do in this fucking city that we haven’t already done a gazillion times and repeat every weekend. Like seriously? Ugh.
I am really starting to acquire, low bull-shit tolerance.
I really don’t want to be a bitch but when the world is turning against me, I have to do something about it. Now I understand Mariel and she has it a lot harder than I.
I know that my actions are not entirely inconsequential. I, however, honestly feel that I have to do what I feel I must do in order to live -- what I hope to be, ultimately -- a happy life. It doesn't come for free. And I have hurt people -- people I love, including myself -- along the way. And maybe I'll find Happy. But, maybe I won't.
Nevertheless, I will not sit idly by and hope that Happy just comes or happens to me. Because I was doing that for a while, when I thought I had Happy. Then Happy went away.
I have to find it and get it again. I just have to ...
Things are going pretty well, not as good as I would like them to be... but better overall. I'm still down sometimes, I hate being down; in my 21 years of life I have never felt this down I've always been happy, peppy and all that. I guess maybe because I have never really felt like this. Oh well.
I have many of projects and things to do to keep my mind busy and keep it from wandering into the dark abyss that is my brain. I actually wish I was wandering more than I was busy because it’s stressing me out!
Oh and BREAKING DAWN COMES OUT IN TWO DAYS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH <---me freaking out... You know I'll definitely not be seen for a couple of days.
I’m trying to do a bit of changing also; I mean it’s been a work in progress since the beginning of this year. I have changed a lot, but I feel there’s more room for improvement. Things that have changed since Jan 08, hmm lets see;
--Body, I have dropped weight and body fat has gone down, muscle has gone up, tone is awesome yet I am not satisfied, I think there is still more room for improvement.
--Mentally, I have grown up a lot and see things differently... I didn’t know what I wanted, now I am unquestionably sure of what I want, My heart and my head were weaker, now they have been made a lot stronger. I know now that whatever happens I will be ok.
--Reading has become more than just entertainment; it has become my escape from the real world and into another. My little sanctuary, it’s where I am safe from my thoughts. To forget my problems and all things that is threatening to question my sanity and rationality.
-- Appearance for me is very important, I have never really had a style preference I always wore what I wanted if it looked good. It’s still the same but fashion is what I like, don’t get me wrong I don't always like all the latest trends like those Spartan looking sandals Like WTFFFF.... Please someone take them all and burn them. But I haven't been in a good financial situation recently so I have to hold off on shopping, I used to shop every weekend...I haven’t shopped in 3 months.
Everything else is just small things, for example my hair...oh my gosh my hair, it’s so long, but I’ve been wanting to cut it and every time I get the nerve to I freak out and run the other way. =)
I guess for now this is all I've got, for now.
Alright so I finished reading The Host about two weeks ago.
Excellent book, even though it starts of slow and goes into a lot of details, over all its very good, obviously not better than Twilight =).
At this point I am really puzzled about if I am happy or not... I mean last week I had dinner with A...the story is supposedly he's ready and we are talking again...Which made me super duper happy =)... But at times he is distant, for example not calling all day or texting really late in the day. And honestly I don't want to call or text him because I have done a lot of trying and effort in the past couple of months when he didn’t even respond or I didn’t even hear from him. I think I proved that I was ready and that I want to be with him...now it’s his turn. But it’s really hard to ignore the fact that he is remote at times and when he doesn’t call or text it kills me. But I know that I have gotten stronger and I know what I have to do.
Besides all that I am really happy I have started a Twilight Frenzy between my friends... YAY ME!!!... I have gotten all of them to read it. Annabelle, Mabelle, Mariel, Laura, Susan, Giselle, Made... Annabelle got one of her friends to read it and so has Mariel and it just keeps going =) Every time we all have discussions about it, in my head I am like "Oh My Gosh...I DID THIS!" Hehehe!!! Now to find another book that is to every ones liking is going to be hard because pretty soon the last book of Twilight will come out and we would have all read them all. So time to find another series to get them all hooked on even though it'll be hard because Twilight was AMAZING, WONDERFUL, AWESOME, FANTASTIC!!! I love that book so much it helped me keep my mind off of things when I was trying to deal with the whole A thing.
Do you know how my heart feels?
Let me explain.
It is like you are holding it your hands and squeezing as tight as you can. Then before it explodes you let go and then again.
Lately its been better. More dormant on somedays than others.
Im trying to put the pieces back together & binding it by myself.
I have come to the point where I don't want to be with anybody. I dont want to think about anybody. I don't want to worry about anybody. I dont want to care about that somebody anymore.
I just want to be by myself. It hurts less this way.
How often in life,
do hearts break?
How much hurt can,
your aching heart take?
How much disappointment,
can one person make you feel?
How many loves are fake,
how many are real?
How do you say goodbye,
when you really don't want to?
How does it feel to know,
that I might possibly love you?
How does it feel to know,
that you can take this pain away?
How does it feel to know,
that you can put the smile back on my face?
Copyright (c) Miry
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