Today I am alright.
I had fun with my friends last night, I really needed the distraction.
Disappointment is becoming more and more a part of my life. I will not let 2009 become another 2008, I can't! Everything needs to move along...I was fine and comfortable being alone before I met Ahmed and now I will be fine and comfortable being alone after him. He just shifted my universe for a little bit, but I have shifted it back to how it used to be. I talk to whoever I want, go out with whoever I want.
My dreams are becoming more and more vivid. More… fucked up. I keep waking up at 5 in the morning and then I try to go back to sleep and it takes me a long time. These horrible dreams are trying to tell me something, I know this… I just can’t figure it out.
I am also going to try to become second in command and take some planning responsibilities on myself because I know that sometimes Annabelle gets frustrated and cranky since she always has to do it all herself. Last night was my first step and it turned out pretty good.
It's 11:37am...This is going to be a long day. =/
Inspiration can come from anything, Movies, a song, a tree, a person. Anything.
And today, inspiration has come.
This is going to be challenging but bring it on!
=)
Pretty much thats it...That wasn't cool.
"I say what I feel when I feel it, I say it and show it a lot more than I should... but I do this because I know that tomorrow isn't promised... and if tomorrow comes and I am not here you will always know what I felt was truly real. =)"
So a new year starts, fresh new things happening.
1. No Job...But I am getting unemployment...thus I am thinking on just living on that until I graduate in May.
2. My schedule is screwed up: Mondays and Wednesday Classes from 9am - 1pm then again from 6pm - 9ish pm. What a drag, thus not letting me have a full time job like before.
3. New love in my life. I don't quite love him yet. But I am falling and I am so happy about this. I needed this in my life. I just hope he can catch me before I have to catch myself.
4. I have a couple of photo shoots coming up which means I have been strict on eating and excercising. December was a slack month that was a very big No-No in the Junk food and not excercising department. Im not going to lie it was a very fun & exciting month for me.
...there are more things but why speak about things.
So Class was very un-eventful, downright boring if you ask me.
Besides that I kinda can't wait to see Ahmed. Yay! =)
Well I shall write again soon. I have a feeling I am going to be either very inspired or very bored during this extended break from work.
Ciao!
The Asshole texted me.
LMAO, I ignored it of course. Oh well.
Christmas is right around the corner and I cant wait for new years.
2009 will be a very good Year, hopefully.
I am super happy. Sometimes I drift back into my darkness and thoughts. But its less than before.
And I am more determined than ever to get my goals and my life back on track!
=)
I lost my job. But this opens the door to greater oppotunities. =)
Inspired. |My Quotes|
You can tear my heart to pieces & he will get it back to whole – Miry
The sun had set over the horizon to leave me in darkness for a dreadfully long time...Now the sun has risen with a million times the shine. – Miry
Simplicity and Complexity are two very separate universes living in my being. – Miry
The road that I Travel on might be a bit different, a bit strange. I dance to the rhythm in my soul and move to the sound of light, always shining always bright, never burning out. I don’t want another dark period where the demons took the shine. It’s been gone a long time and I took it back, now it’s all mine. – Miry
I thought I had lost my heart; it was just hiding behind a wall.
At first sight, he poked his head out just a little bit to a ray of hope.
Maybe for the first time in a long time something great was storming about.
Different he says… weird I tell him.
Weird?
How everything that we wanted just happened; from one glance in the right direction. – Miry
Tell me a story, and I will tell you a tale; two souls roaming the earth with loves that failed, their story untold as old chapters close new chapters begin, when they met each other their souls began to sing.-Miry
I may be beautiful on the outside, but I shine on the inside.
And with each new step taken, the shine multiplies. - Miry
I won’t always win the battles,
but at least I know I fought.
I’m not always going to be right,
but at least I had a thought.
I’m not always going to stand,
because at one point everyone has to fall.
but the lessons I learn from this
are the best lessons of all – Miry
Just when you think things can't get anymore complicated and confusing...something happens that just proves you wrong. (What am I going to do?)
How fucking fabulous!!!!
Then there are other things like wounds that are healing, but still hurt. I hate how smells trigger memories, I really really hate that.
Alone at night sometimes thinking about things, I can't help the tears from staining my cheeks. Alone in my thoughts, nothing to distract me.
I feel out of control...yet I control everything around me. My energy doesn't seem to seize impressing me in some way or another. My energy levels are really high at some points of the day but there's a hint of something else in that energy...something I can't quite comprehend yet.
With Suffering comes growth, with love comes pain.
Everyone has secrets they keep under lock & key.
I was not allowed to think of him. That was something I tried to be very strict about. Of course I slipped; I was only human. But I was getting better, and so the pain was something I could avoid for days at a time now. The trade off was the never-ending numbness. Between pain and nothing, I’d chosen nothing.
Bella Swan, New Moon, Chapter 4, p.113 **(Great Quote)**
You would think that reading this back in April would have made things worse. But it actually made them better these books where my get-a-away from reality...Thats why I love them so much...Not like everyone else loves them because of a movie or a fad... Because they helped me. I will forever be grateful for the day I stumbled upon Twilight in the bookstore.
Today I feel like shit.. I am getting sick...I can feel the symptoms... Watery Eyes, Sore Throat, Ear ache, Body ache... Wonderful just what I freaking need. NOT! The only bright side to this is that when I am sick I don't feel like eating. =) Yes Yes...I know, Bad.
Blah Blah Blah...Long weekend here I come.
I am fighting with myself on a daily basis. For many reasons. One of many is my problem with pulling. Today ...I have decided that if I do it, I will make a cut on my fingers. I don't want to go through it all over again.
Life is super simple, it's the people in it that make it complicated. Everything is getting more and more complicated, more and more confusing... Yet I am happy. The complications and confusions are just minor right now, but I know how they can blow up and how big they can blow up...I've seen it. Lately the bad feelings are there but nothing happens like it usually does... I think its building. Bad feelings are going to keep coming and nothing its going to happen and then drop a huge bomb. Thats what I think will happen...I am not going to lie I am so scared.
Besides that I am thinking of writing a book in the next few years, I already have a name for it Blink of an Eye, Its going to be about a girl(obviously), the story is her story, but it surrounds 4 characters specifically and how their lives collide changing their futures. Something along those lines. Thats my goal #67 Write a book and have it published.
Thanksgiving weekend is coming up ... I want to paint my room.
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