If I happen to find something real, then it would be terrible not to hold on.  Starting to care a little more. I'll try to bring down my walls a bit, to try not to be so guarded all the time. It's a bit hard since I won the war against my heart... I made sure it was absolutely impenetrable and it's worked. But what a cruel thing to do to oneself,  being able not to feel anything because I specifically wanted it that way.



Besides that I've been quite wonderful keeping busy with projects that I am very very excited about. This is Mariel's Bday weekend so I have to get going and get ready for the night. Time to drink up and have fun.