Until the feelings gone....

11:11 AM Unknown 0 Comments

Well the feeling is definitely gone. With a snap of fingers and that was it, I was done feeling.

I am planning to stay busy as much as possible until the end of the year so that I have a wonderful, full of activities end of the year. I can't wait for 2010... The beginning of a new year always seems so promising, full of new things and possible changes.

From now on I refuse to talk about my love life in my blog, the only way would be if I and someone else were totally serious. So from now on no more talk about guys. I am going to buy a new ring, and start fresh with a new promise.

It is wonderful to have a different state of mind than most people, things are a lot easier.

I have decided to add a call blocker to my phone, someone keeps calling me unknown and its really bothersome so I downloaded the App. it also has a feature to add phone numbers that you would like to block as well, how convenient.

Either way I am out of work early today. So of to do activities. Good day everyone.

The solution is this.

11:53 AM Unknown 0 Comments

Either give up that which you fear to lose so it no longer holds any power over you, or consider what you will still have if your fear comes to pass. After all, if you did lose all you'd built, you would still keep the experience and knowledge that you've gained up to this point.

I'm cold, but I'm beautiful. I'm a mess, but I like it that way.

10:17 AM Unknown 0 Comments

Opening your eyes and feeling them sting because you spent the whole night crying, Saturday night was so much fun, until the end of the night when Carlos started talking about relationships and totally turned on me about the type of guys I date, He says I deserve someone that respects me and If they actually cared about me they would go out of their way to be with me to see me and this and that... I've been holding back my tears for a long time now, because I refuse to cry... but then the flow of tears just started and they didn't stop until I went to sleep, I felt truly and utterly sad and defeated because all the words that were coming out of his mouth were true in a sense, yes his words and the way he said it was harsh and they hurt but I needed to hear them, because he is right, I am a beautiful girl and I do deserve better than what I thought was good for me.


Sometimes I feel like I wont find someone who will go out of their way for me. Someone that will consider me an important and special part of their life. Why is that so hard to find?


I honestly rather be alone, if I cannot find that. 


At least...


 ...and I always start my days like if it was just that, a brand new day with brand new possibilities. 

WEDNESDAY is my favorite day of the week.

12:57 PM Unknown 1 Comments

My hair smells wonderful, if I could smell my hair all day, I would.... Actually that is exactly what I am doing I have my hair down so that I can just turn my face and smell the glorious scent that resides there... and the best part of all is that its super pretty and twirly. I kept bothering Annabelle and Mabelle last night while we hung out to touch my twirl, then I let it lose and Mabelle really liked it. =) I told her to twirl her hair as well it would look so nice and pretty.

Right now I am into Crystals and Stones, I am really enjoying learning about the different types of crystals and what energies they produce and what they can be used for. I want to actually start meditating more often and also doing Yoga more often as well. I guess you can say I am on a spiritual path just trying to find what works for me and Ive always been a Mystic, I've always believed in Energies, Auras, Elements, & Meditation.

As far as what needs to be taken care of, I have been doing well Taking care of my face by going to the Dermatologist getting medication and some topical ointments which is actually doing wonders for my face. I'm taking my vitamins and still going to the gym on a daily basis, even though I've been a bit lazy lately... I told this to Annabelle and she said because beach time is over so there is no motivation. I guess she is right, so that means I have to direct my motivation to something else...hmmm.... But what?

OMG!!! I just turned my face again... Wow I can't get over this orgasmic smell. I just can't wait till my hair gets longer.

Ive been thinking of possibly making this blog into a book. I need some inputs about this. I'm not sure I want my personal thoughts floating about for everyone to read, but why should I see it as a negative thing? What if it actually helps people out, they relate and get inspired to write about their stuff as well. I guess I will just have to wait and see.

I want to do so many things, another one is painting and drawing more often. Its such a stress reliever and most of the time I just start with some sort of shape and end up with something really amazing. I guess in time but first I need to get organized a bit. I mean I only have one small room to fit all my chaos in, that's why most of the time its messy but I always know where everything is... well except my keys they are always on a never ending mission to be lost or hide from me. No worries though I have a spare set and I have even thought of a third set just in case.

Anyway, for the most part lately Ive been happy. Which is what I wanted. I go up and down a lot but at least lately not much has been able to bring me down if I am sad it only last for a few hours maybe a day but for the most part I get over it and I really can't complain because I am happy. No matter what I am happy.

Five Boyfriends... This is Annabelle's plan for moi, She says I need to get five boyfriends and stop concentrating on just one. I like her idea but it goes against what I've always believed... but maybe shes right and I should because what I have always believed has never really worked for me.

Hehe, Well that's all folks.

Sorry This, Sorry That

9:54 AM Unknown 0 Comments

I hate when the word "sorry" is used. It's not like it has any meaning, its just a word. Sorry... its not like people are really sorry.. no, not really. It's like if you ran over someones cat and you go to their door step and say
"Hey, Im really sorry, but I ran over your cat." Instead they should go get you a new cat that means then that there wouldnt be any need for sorry because you have made it up to them with a gesture of true remorse and thats what Sorry should be. And sending someone flowers is not really saying sorry its actually saying "I really hope that with these flowers you will not be mad at me any longer" Not that they truly are sorry.

Well that's the lesson for today.

The reason I have decided on this topic is because A.C. emailed <---- yes emailed me an excuse as to what happened on Saturday, Ending his long paragraph in " I am soooooo sorry!"

Anyway this is it for right now, I have to go and do some work.

Bulletproof

10:53 AM Unknown 1 Comments

What a glorious morning it is. Beautiful, bright, breezy….that’s a lot of B words.

Right now I am racking my brain at work trying to figure out how to edit an already made Flash website I’ve been able to change and edit some things but since the creator wasn’t I, then it’s a bit harder because I have to figure out what he did and how he named things which is utterly frustrating.

My weekend was pretty great, even Saturday which was a total disappointment in the A.C. department. I am glad that this frustrating situation is over. Let’s just say Saturday night left a bitter taste of the past in my mouth and I don’t want a repeat… I’ve dealt with enough bullshit. So I am doing the smart thing and walking away next time like that happens.

This is my theme song from now on:

La Roux – Bulletproof

Been there, done that, messed around
I’m having fun don’t put me down,
I’ll never let you sweep me off my feet,
I won’t let you in again, the messages I’ve tried to send,
my informations’ just not going in,
burnin’ bridges shore to shore, I’ll break away from something more,
I’m not to not to love until it’s cheap,
been there, done that, messed around,
I’m having fun don’t put me down,
I’ll never let you sweep me off my feet,

Chorus:
This time maybe,
I’ll be,
Bulletproof x2

I won’t let you turn around,
and tell me now I’m much too proud,
to walk away from something when it’s dead,
do do do your dirty WORST come out to play when you are HURT,
there’s certain things that should be left unsaid,
tick tick tick tick on the watch and life’s too short for me to stop,
Oh baby, your time is running out,
I won’t let you turn around,
and tell me now I’m much too proud,
All you do is fill me up with doubt,

Chorus:
This time maybe I’ll be bulletproof x2
This time baby I’ll be bulletproof x2
This time I'll be bulletproof x2
This time maybe I’ll be bulletproof x2
This time baby I’ll be bulletproof x2



Anyway, I am really enjoying my new book. It makes sense in some weird way. It said something that I agree with now because in my experience it always seems to be true. “Indifference is key…One has to be just indifferent, neither for nor against; don’t be for doubt, don’t be against doubt.” Another thing that was in my book made so much sense as well and it’s this, “Love is not an effort; you cannot make an effort to love. If you make an effort there is no love. You flow into it, you don’t make an effort, you simply allow it to happen…” Like I said, I really like the book.

Things I am excited for:
New Moon
Holidays
Changes
Vegas
2010

Well Babes, I am out I have to concentrate on work things. Have a wonderful day.

Bleeding Notebooks

9:08 AM Unknown 0 Comments

A good morning to you fellow readers, on this lovely Monday morning the weather is wonderfully windy and beautiful. I love where I am working now, it is an internship but things are looking very promising in the making money getting hired possibilities. They love me already.




Today, I feel really happy… I truly love my friends and their company they always keep me laughing and smiling and that’s very essential to me. On Saturday we went to Chili’s and had some drinks and appetizers, we couldn’t stop laughing together and having a great time, after that we went to party at Play, It was fun to go out just the four of us together again… We need more days like that. I just have to make sure that next time I take 5 Hour Energy because I was the driver and on the way home I was falling asleep behind the wheel…..NO GOOD!



I need:

- Project Notebook

- Flash Project Sketchbook

- Canvas

- Paint and Brushes

- Pink Glasses



Its really weird how I can express my feelings completely on a piece of paper, in a notebook, in a sketchbook or painting, in this blog… but in real life I can’t come to entirely accept or express what I am feeling, It wasn’t always like that though. The other day I stumbled upon some old photos my mom had in a box and I saw myself a couple of years back and all I could think was… Wow, how things have changed.



I need to do some meditating today, so I can organize my thoughts and feelings… I am already having stupid “what if” thoughts and “scenarios,” I just don’t want to think about those “what ifs” even though I am already mentally prepared I just don’t want to deal with negative thoughts right now. I mean seriously, what is the worst that can happen that hasn’t already happened to me. Exactly! So why am I so worried?



Alright!!! That’s IT!! I’m done thinking… back to work.